Tagged: pointless noise Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts

  • ddt 10.35 on January 30, 2019  

    Succulent AirPods Melt Like Sex on a No. 2 Pencil

    Consider the asinine banality of this statement: “… although I’ve only used the AirPods for a few hours to test them out, I can confidently say …”[source]. Now, replace “AirPods” with anything else: Star Wars movies, hockey, blended orgasm dildos, shrooms, gokkun—anything dabbled with for “a few hours” isn’t worthy of any concluding declaration. It’s as if the author was threatened by an editor to ‘fucking write something’ and this turd was birthed. This is was passes for news at BI, whose main schtick is half-heartedly thumbing its pinky at President Trump, et al, or finding yet another reason disparage Apple, Inc. 

    • although I’ve only used the Star Wars movies for a few hours to test them out, I can confidently say …
    • although I’ve only used the hockey for a few hours to test them out, I can confidently say …
    • although I’ve only used the blended orgasm dildos for a few hours to test them out, I can confidently say …
    • although I’ve only used the shrooms for a few hours to test them out, I can confidently say …
    • although I’ve only used the gokkun for a few hours to test them out, I can confidently say …

    Wait, grammar is a bitch:

    • although I’ve only watched Star Wars movies for a few hours to test them out, I can confidently say …
    • although I’ve only seen hockey for a few hours to test it out, I can confidently say …
    • although I’ve only used blended orgasm dildos for a few hours to test them out, I can confidently say …
    • although I’ve only used shrooms for a few hours to test them out, I can confidently say …
    • although I’ve only tried gokkun for a few hours to test it out, I can confidently say …

    On the topic of AirPods (above) or just wireless earplugs in general: fuck that shit. Fuck their price in SoKo, too. Only posh Americans are buying this crap and to BI, only posh Americans exist, the rest of the world being either Venezuela or Japan—pandemonium because socialism is a fucking lie or floundering fish because overproduction and nationalism fails when you don’t share enough of your cake with America. Or South Korea because Samsung ‘just made the most compelling iPhone challenger yet’ (so goes another BI headline trying to play Pokémon Go). 


    tagged as: 2019, Business Insider, pointless noise,   
     
  • ddt 13.13 on January 31, 2017  

    Coming Soon to a 7-11 Near Everyone

    Wacky tobaccy. That’s right. Let’s assume, based on the last few days that President Trump gets a full eight year ride. There’s simply too much money in weed to not legalize. And the new president likes making money. And there’s the matter of too many uptight millennials who won’t do what they’re told. Remember that it’s Huxley’s Brave New World (and so many others after it) where the citizens take a drug called soma which deals with “any residual unhappiness” [sourceIn the 1998 made-for-tv adaptation of Brave New World (IMDB), as Peter Gallagher’s Bernard Marx voices worry about “the savage”, his coworker says, “Take a soma and I don’t give a damna.” [no source]

    Ddong Today bets that marijuana will be legal in most parts of the USA by 2020. There’s too much money to be made (by white folks) and the States that continue to flip the bird at this administration and its commands will have to have income to stay afloat.

    #ddongtoday #dronesmotherfucker 


    tagged as: , pointless noise, , ,   
     
  • ddt 19.24 on January 27, 2017  

    Somewhere in this land, lay an ancient alien artifact which instills realignments of the persona. Until it’s found, settle for GQ’s makeover machine:


    tagged as: , , pointless noise,   
     
  • ddt 20.42 on January 24, 2017  

    Those Skills are Gone, Mr. President

    It’s actually a great plan and alluded to on Ddong Today earlier … but there aren’t enough folks left in all of America with the technical skills required to build even a small Death Star. Not even one to match the size of the president’s ego head. Those skills are long gone. China would have to step in and build it for us.

    So what to do?

    A wall.

    Building a wall will create hundreds of thousands of jobs.  


    tagged as: , , pointless noise, ,   
     
  • ddt 11.32 on January 19, 2017  

    What to Expect on January 20th

    If it goes down like this, everything will be a-okay.


    tagged as: , , , , pointless noise   
     
  • ddt 11.15 on January 19, 2017  

    How to Write an Open Letter to a Wannabe Despot

    Case point: An open letter to Trump from the US press corps – Columbia Journalism Review

    This is for the choir and to ignite the conservators of conservatism and the alt-rite defenders of Trump (assuming there are any remaining, as some articles want folks to think). Trump won’t read this, assuming someone even gives it to him or he finds it linked on Twitter. If this does somehow reach the hailstorm of nothingness he has surrounded himself with, he will only skim it.

    Why?

    Consider the writing and the tone, this is a soapbox declaration of principles addressed to him. Addressing him directly has already been shown to be ineffective. This piece will get lefty shares and nods, and righty FUs and little else.

    How then does one get the attention of our soon-to-be POTUS?

    By not addressing him directly, as an actress did on tv not long ago. Don’t mention him. Don’t use the pronouns “you” or “your”. That’s how.


    tagged as: , , , pointless noise,   
     

Ddong Today


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